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Can I Do This Right Now?
How meditation helped me be a better runner (and person)
Running is the hardest exercise I’ve ever done consistently. I think it’s because of two things — it’s a full-body workout and you have to expend effort all the time. Doing “cardio” on gym equipment like an elliptical machine or an exercise bike isolates certain parts of the body; my legs feel tired afterward, but I’m not totally exhausted. Road cycling, which I did for a few years, is very tough going up the hills, but at least you get to rest when you coast downhill.
Running, which I started a couple of years ago after an almost two-decade hiatus, is the toughest. But I’ve recently realized that its difficulty has less to do with what’s going on in my legs than what’s going on in my head.
When I’m exercising on a machine, I’m usually watching TV, which provides a nice distraction from any discomfort I may feel. As long as the show is entertaining enough, I sort of forget that I’m exercising. When I used to go cycling, I was distracted by something very different: trying not to die. I had to pay a lot of attention to traffic, potholes, and other issues on the road, which often took my attention away from the physical effort I was expending.
But when I run I am doing something rather difficult and I am aware of it pretty much all of the time. There’s time and space to think on a run, for better or worse.
I’ve realized that the toughest moments I have when running — the moments I’m most tempted to quit, when I don’t think I can do it — happen when I start thinking about the future. I’ll be struggling a bit and start looking ahead. I might think, Oh my God, I’ve still got 2 miles to go. I’ll never make it. Or I’ll envision the route ahead and worry that I don’t have what it takes to make it up the hill that’s coming. It’s never about what I’m doing at the moment; it’s that I don’t think I can do what’s ahead of me.
When I started meditating years ago, I used to occasionally experience a similar sense of panic. I’d be sitting there, in silence, and my brain would start to wonder if I was cut out for it — Oh my God, I have to sit here for 15 more minutes. I’m not sure I can do it.
